


i was young, nothing to fear once

by oneofthemuses



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25685617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneofthemuses/pseuds/oneofthemuses
Summary: Sif contemplates who they are to each other and how they got to this point - your first love is not the same as your last love, not usually, and not for Sif or for Thor.
Relationships: Loki/Sif (Marvel), Sif/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20
Collections: Rare Pairs Exchange 2020





	i was young, nothing to fear once

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Entwinedlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Entwinedlove/gifts).



They are not each other’s first loves and Sif has no wish for that to be different. Your first love is wonderful and all-encompassing, but it’s almost always fleeting. It rends you open when it ends in a way that can’t be replicated. For Thor. his romance with Jane had changed him - not the core of who he is, Thor is not so fickle or flighty - and he had emerged from that more sure in his actions and his choices. Thor had never been hesitant or insecure, but that had been borne out of arrogance and privilege as a prince of Asgard and god of thunder.

Sif knows that she too is no longer the same as the girl who once loved Loki. That girl had understood his darkness, had smoothed the edges of his sometimes cruel nature. Much ado had been made about her flaxen hair turning dark and inky at Loki’s trick, but truthfully, Sif had moved past that rather quickly. It had been mean-spirited and hurtful, but Sif had loved him and after she shed her tears, she forgave him. Their undoing, as it were, was Loki’s festering resentment, the cruelty that continued to grow, and his unwillingness to acknowledge his own agency in the matter. Sif doesn’t mean to place all the blame on Loki and by the Norns, she struggled with guilt as she saw what Loki was becoming.

But it led here and Sif will never apologize for who she is now or who she’s with. Thor has embraced Loki fully once more, as is his nature, but Sif is not so open and easy with her affection. She loves deeply and with commitment. Once her trust is broken, it is not so easily repaired. So she welcomes Loki and she smiles at him and she includes him, but she does it for Thor. She’s lost so many people, friends and lovers, and Loki is at fault for many, though not all. Sif loves Loki as she loves Asgard, but she will never fully trust him again, and she won’t let him destroy either of them ever again.

Loki may be her first love, but Thor is her enduring love.

When she found Thor, in the wake of a devastated Asgard and her people decimated, Sif had only thought to help Asgard rebuild, to grieve with Thor, and to find her new path. Asgard was, as it happened, not the only loss that Thor had experienced and one day turned into one month into one year. What was a mortal year to an Asgardian after all? Thor and her people could have all the time they needed.

Their relationship happened slowly and with such ease that Sif would not have thought anything much had changed were it not for her current circumstances because Thor is not her first love and she is not his, but they  _ were _ each other’s first friend. That friendship is as constant and unchanging as the sun and is the foundation on which their present lives are built.

This child will be another first for both of them.

Sif watches the waves crash against the beach and brushes her hand up and down her pregnant belly. New Asgard was home and had its own beauty but they wanted to have the baby somewhere reminiscent of Asgard, warm and golden, and brimming with life. They’re in Australia, instead, on the Gold Coast. Sif had resisted the idea at first but Thor had confided that he felt lost, that he wasn’t the leader that New Asgard needed, and Sif had relented. It wasn’t as if either of them had spent much time at home in the last few years anyway so they’d left New Asgard in Valkyrie’s capable hands. She hears the heavy footsteps of Thor but doesn’t turn to greet him. He falls into the chair beside her and his hand curls around hers, finger threading together, resting on top of the bump which houses their child.

“What are you thinking?” His tone is curious and Sif smiles without meaning to.

“How we came to be here.” He nods and waits a beat, to see if she will elaborate, but Sif remains silent. He understands the breadth of what she means in both her words and her silence.

“I find myself wondering at what Volstagg and Fandral would say.” He smirks for a moment. “Hogun wouldn’t say anything, but he was never surprised by anything I did.” She squeezes his hand because the loss of Asgard was painful but the loss of their friends, of the Warriors Three and Heimdall, hurt that much more. He continues, as if reading her mind, “Do you think Heimdall knew?”

“I think he might have. He would say things, sometimes.” He raises an eyebrow in questions. “He said I would carry the future of Asgard with me.” She taps their entwined fingers against her stomach. “Maybe he meant something else, but it was Heimdall.” He nods. Heimdall was all seeing, whether he saw this future is not the question. The question is always about parsing the meaning of his comments and in this case, if he knew  _ this  _ particular future was the one they’d live out. Thor lets out a heavy sigh and it’s her turn to look at him in question.

“I’m happy.” She recognizes the weight of that statement. “Here, with you, waiting on the future of Asgard.” His smile is beautiful and wide for a moment. “I’m…” His brow furrows while he works out exactly what he wants to say. “I’m excited about what happens next. I haven’t felt that way in a long time.” 

Sif remembers fondly the excitement and adventures of their past. There was no shortage of victories and challenges, but never defeat. The last few years have forced a lifetime’s worth into a single decade. Those victories seem hollow, now, but she understands Thor, understands the glory of battle that was once so thrilling and how it drove him. She understands, too, the overwhelming grief and the loss of himself that followed. Thor and Sif have never struggled to talk, to share, to fight, and love with each other. It is the hallmark of their relationship.

Their baby moves.

“She’s got a wicked right hook, like her mother.” Sif would love to have a daughter, but she knows that Thor wants it even more, an opportunity to right where his father went wrong, a desperate chance to remake the past. Thor wants to prove that Hela is not what his family is. Sif would love to have a daughter, but she hopes for a son, just like Thor. There will be time for daughters because even in Hela, Sif recognizes the strength and steadfastness of Thor’s own. None of their children will be Hela, or Loki even. Their daughter will not be Thor’s redemption because he doesn’t need it, nor will she be the Allfather’s, because only he can answer for his mistakes.

“He wants to come out and meet the world, whether the world is ready for him or not, just like his father.” Thor laughs and rises from his chair, tugging her to her feet.

“We’ll see who’s right soon enough. Come, time to eat. I won’t be accused of neglecting Asgard’s future.” Sif kisses him through their laughter as the sun sets against the water behind them. The future of Asgard is growing and bright.


End file.
